You can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family. That is a common argument in this secular age. People often disregard members of their family to pursue their own personal interests and ambitions with their friends. However, nowadays it seems that people are abandoning their friends as well. In a culture of convenience, Christians are called to practise covenantal friendship rooted in loyalty, courage, and sacrificial love. Let’s explore how to be a good Christian friend in a secular world, making God proud of us.
Are You A Fair-Weather Christian Friend?
What does true friendship mean? Children seem to know the answer to this more than adults. They know friendship is about sharing your things. It’s about paying attention to each other and being fair. It’s about sticking with your friend during the good times and the bad. It’s about spending quality time together and enjoying each other’s company. We seem to forget these qualities as we grow up and take on more responsibilities. Friendships can naturally break down if they are not maintained. And whilst this may suit you, it may cause your friends heartache. Perhaps there is someone in your life who is crying out for a shoulder to cry on, but you have only been a fair-weather friend to them.
Or, perhaps you have a single friend who quietly dreads Christmas because every invitation seems to be “family only.” Or a couple struggling with infertility who find baby showers painful but still show up smiling. Your invitation (or your silence) speaks louder than you realise. Make sure you remember them when you host social events. You have no idea the difference your invitation could make.
Be the Encourager
One of the best ways to support your friendships is to be an encourager, like St Barnabas was to St Paul. Jesus asked a lot of St Paul as he embarked on his mission to the Gentiles. He needed moral support, and whilst he may have had a team around him when visiting the churches, often he was going alone to places that have never heard of the Nazarene who brings them salvation. St Paul needed a companion, and he had that in the person of St Barnabas. We read their story in the Book of Acts.
Are you a loyal Christian friend?
What does loyalty look like to you? For many people, it’s about being faithful no matter what. If your friend has made a mistake or a decision that other people don’t like, will you stick by them? For example, what if your friend loses their job and rumours begin circulating about why? Or what if they go through a messy divorce and people quietly take sides? It is easy to distance ourselves when association becomes inconvenient, especially if you have been injured by the decision they have made. Would you stick with them nonetheless? That is what some people expect from their friends. Is that what Jesus expects of us? Yes. Jesus expects us to remain loyal to Him and to be loyal to our friends. He taught us that, “Greater hath no love than for a man to lay his life down for his friends.” (John 15:13) He was referring to himself and his approaching death. However, he was also commanding us to be willing to transform our philo love to agape towards our friends. Philo is affection; agape is sacrificial, covenantal love, the kind that endures cost, as Jesus expressed to St Peter in John 21:15-17. True friendship is being loyal to the ones we love, even if the whole world turns its back on them.
Friends Do Not Betray
The Roman Empire was the predominant culture throughout the ‘civilised’ world during the time of Christ. In the cut-throat Machiavellian world of politics and intrigue, we learn how Emperors had to literally watch their backs from their so-called friends. “Et tu, Brutus?’. And that treacherous atmosphere seeped down among the masses in a low-trust society. Judas, after all, betrayed Jesus to the authorities for 30 pieces of silver. How many other people in the time of Christ found themselves nailed to a cross due to the betrayal of those they trusted?
It is wrong to betray your friends for a selfish reason, such as having an affair with their spouse. But what if you report them to the authorities if they have done something criminal? Imagine a friend spiralling into addiction, driving under the influence, or threatening self-harm. Reporting them or intervening may feel like betrayal in the moment. Yet true love sometimes risks being misunderstood for the sake of another’s safety. They may think you have betrayed them, but you did what you thought was best for them and others. That is fine. And you are not betraying them, even if they think you are.
However, throughout history, governments have sometimes demanded loyalty from their people that conflicts with loyalty to Christ. A government may even reward you for information on people they deem ‘dangerous’. If you report on your friend because an authoritarian government disagrees with their political ideas, you would be betraying your friend like Judas betrayed Jesus.
It is important to know the difference and what really is betrayal and what is an act of mercy, though misunderstood.
Guiding Your Friend with Grace and Encouragement
As Christians, we are all called to share the good news and help lead people to reach salvation. It is interesting how some atheists have argued that Christians don’t fully believe in the Gospel message, because they are not making enough effort to share the good news. Some atheists think Christians should be extreme in their approach when sharing the gospel to make sure their loved ones and neighbours do not fall to perdition. I think things are a little more nuanced than that. Christians have been accused of scaring people away from the faith with their fire and brimstone preaching. However, it is worth being mindful that all our relationships should include a gentle, but firm prodding towards Jesus. This does not mean turning every coffee into a sermon. It may mean offering to pray when a friend is grieving. It may mean explaining calmly why your faith gives you hope during illness. It may mean living with such quiet integrity that they eventually ask you why. Enjoying The Journey website has some good advice on ways to bring others to Jesus.
Establish your friendship with Jesus First
Many people carry wounds from broken friendships: the friend who vanished after marriage, the confidant who shared secrets, the companion who drifted away without explanation. These experiences shape how we trust. They shape how we love.
This is why it is important to establish your friendship with Jesus first. Jesus is your saviour, your brother and your king and yearns for your love. He is the best friend anyone could have. He encouraged his disciples and taught them well, but rebuked them when necessary to keep them on the straight and narrow. He demonstrated a servant’s heart. You can learn a lot about being a good friend by developing your friendship with him. To help you develop your relationship with Jesus through prayer, check out our post Connect with Christ in 2026.
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